cornerofmadness

About negativity and naysayers and thinking about the way I've handled things in the past. That weekend in Cleveland showed me something, how good positive looks. Out of the five of us only one had no real tragedy. Three of us were severely injured, and me less than the others. But the attitudes were so bright and positive and I thought, this is part of what's wrong with my life.

Of course I've known that. I've been making small changes or at least trying to. Been trying to meditate, to complain less, to do more...whatever. Whatever the obstacle is I've been trying to work around it but still I don't see myself as being as positive as those friends.

All of us rant from time to time. That is healthy but I look around at myself and some of my friends and see it more than is healthy. And it makes you tired. I've decided I've had enough. Time to move forward. Hiding from problems doesn't work. being ill every moment and going to bed all the time isn't healthy, never making a change but sitting around whining about how bad your situation is does nothing, saying you're trying when someone can every obviously see you're not, you're just sitting in a rut doing the poor pitiful me routine.

I can pinpoint the places where I have done and am still doing it. Not going to point to other people's places, those are their problems not mine (something I need to remember right along with you can't help people who say they want help but really don't). Example, three years of writers group critiques from one that I had on paper that are still by the computer unused. If I were more serious, I'd use them. Hell there's a novel that I keep saying needs editing and yet every time I try to get it done, it ends up sliding and I let it. I keep saying I'm going to try one more thing about my injury and I don't.

It's time to do that one more thing. Time seek help that I need. Time to go get that second opinion about my diabetes rather than just talking about it. Time to edit that novel or toss it in the trash and forget about it. Time to make that change.

Yes change can be scary (witness the friends going to college for the first time or back to it, or moving to new states or finding new jobs) but the rut just leaves you getting older and more dissatisfied by the day.